TOP 5 Red flags in a relationship – The Mindful Space

Hi there. Today we will be talking about the top five red flags when getting into a relationship. For those new to the channel, my name is Michelle Chaffordet, host of the Mindful podcast. So what is a red flag? First, let me explain that there are three types of flags in any relationship, whether it is a love partner, a friend or family member. Green, yellow and red. Green flags, as you may assume, are the good flags. These tell us that we are in a healthy relationship. Yellow flags, on the other hand, are the ones that say proceed with caution. But today I want to focus on the red ones. You know, the ones that you get the funny feeling about that something isn’t right. Red flags are the run away now, the ones that you should definitely not ignore and should be addressed in any relationship as soon as possible. Five, they make you feel less than maybe every time you speak, they put you and your ideas down or they give you advice in a negative way, leaving you to feel somewhat defective. Not good. Number four emotionally unavailable. Emotional connection is very important. And if you feel like someone has a lack of commitment or that you are doing all their relationship work, this could be a big sign of them being emotionally unavailable. So what do I mean? Maybe he calls you, he texts you, but every time you try to make a plan, he’s not available. Or he says he’s going to meet you for lunch and then he doesn’t meet you for lunch. Or he says, yes, I’m available. Yes, I want a girlfriend, but lacks all of the basics of wanting a relationship. And you know what I’m talking about because you get that feeling, right? You get the feeling that there’s no more than just one date or there’s no more than sexual connection. I feel that after a couple of months you can kind of tell if they’re committed or not. And you should definitely look out for this. It’s a big one. Number three gaslighting. This one is a big one. And again, it could be in any type of relationship. This is the fancy word of saying people manipulate you by psychological means and makes you questions your own sanity. For example, you’re being too dramatic. I know I’ve heard that one before. What do you mean? I didn’t tell you I had plans. I told you this morning. You’re never paying attention. Yeah, no, don’t make me look crazy. And you really don’t feel this way. It’s not that bad. It is bad. Maybe it’s not bad for you, but it’s bad for me. Don’t allow anybody to tell you how you feel. And gaslighting is huge in any relationship, in friendships, in family, in love, partners. It’s all around. It’s almost a form of verbal abuse, I want to say. And you have to be very careful and learn how to set boundaries and have self confidence where anything that other people tell you or try to dismiss your feelings, you are able to come back and say, no, I’m not going to take that. So next number two jealousy and trust issues. A little bit of jealousy is normal, right? I’m sure we can all relate here, but when it gets out of control, making you feel anxious and threatened, it can have a negative effect on your relationships. Trust is the main component here. Now everybody asks me how much jealousy is normal, right? I’m sure your friends have asked you. I know they’ve asked me. Honestly, a little bit. A little bit is normal because it’s a sign that you care for that person. So don’t put yourself down if you have that jealousy feeling here and there. But that’s what I mean by trust is the main component. If you trust your partner and you’re not giving them a reason to be jealous or get jealous, then this should not be an issue. And if you feel that you’re doing all you can do in a relationship for that other person to trust you, and they still come at you, asking questions, checking your phone, checking on you all the time, insulting you, or just, I don’t know, general not trusting you, please. This is a very big red flag. You do not have to tolerate it. Just walk away. Or if you don’t want to walk away right away, at least address it, because it is not normal. Number one verbal and physical abuse. Verbal and physical abuse is the biggest red flag in any type of relationship. If they belittle you, insult you, scream, push and hit you, it is time to walk away. I know sometimes it’s easier said than done, but there is help out there. Please don’t be afraid or ashamed to reach out. Please don’t stay in a relationship because you feel there is no way out. And sometimes it’s easier said than done, I know, but there is help out there. Please don’t be afraid or ashamed to reach out. And please don’t think you have to stay in this relationship because you grew up seeing the same things at home. In conclusion, if your gut is telling you loud and clear that this isn’t going to work, probably better to walk away, full stop. If you’re not quite sure though, you want to communicate openly and address the issues as soon as possible, set boundaries and stick to them. Ultimately, the decision is yours. A red flag for you might look different than a red flag for me. So just stay true to yourself. And when in doubt, seek professional help.