Signs You Need Better Boundaries
Hello again. This is Mindful Podcast host Michelle Chaffridet and today we will be talking about boundaries. Boundaries are those very clear lines that you set in your relationships of what you will accept or not. I believe setting boundaries is part of my self care and it is easier said than done, trust me. I myself have had issues setting some of them. Communication and setting boundaries are imperative in any relationship. You are allowing for a healthy relationship to form by expressing your needs and triggers. Not doing so can lead to resentment invalidation from the other person as a result of your needs not being met. Here are four signs that you may need to set better boundaries. Number four, saying no makes you feel guilty. It is normal to feel a little guilty when a good friend asks if you can do something for them, for example. However, if saying no makes you feel anxious and ashamed, then something is not right. Maybe a friend asks you to go to the bar with them and you really don’t want to because you have to work the next day. Usually my case, you need to be very strong in saying your no’s. Now, if you say no and it makes you feel too guilty, you might go home, but you won’t be happy. You’re thinking of your friend. The other person always worried about them and it kind of connects to people pleasing. But that’s in another number. I always say to my friends and if they’re listening, they’re going to laugh about it because they get mad at me. I tell them, people do not owe you an explanation. I know it’s aggravating, but they don’t. It’s courtesy. I don’t have to say no because I can’t do this. No, because it’s a simple no. No means no. So we’re all adults here, right? Don’t ask me for an explanation. Number three, you are always people pleasing. Putting others as a priority can be draining. You can’t make everybody happy. I know you’ve tried, especially if it goes over your own happiness. So if you find yourself always saying yes and yes and yes, you probably need to start saying no, at least here and there. This ties back to number four, right? If we’re always trying to make people happy and whether it’s saying yes or saying no, then we ourselves are not going to be happy. And this is a clear sign that you need to set better boundaries. Number two, you find yourself in unhappy relationships repeatedly. If you feel the need to suppress your own emotions all the time, they take advantage of you. The reason you’re not happy is probably because you have high expectations or low. You have needs and you are not communicating with your partner, right? We think they must know what I want or they must know what I need, but they don’t. So setting a boundary might just be that uncomfortable conversation that you have to have with them, letting them know this is what I like and this is what I don’t like. What are you going to do about it? And that could be very hard. Trust me, I’ve been there. But it’s not impossible. And it’s really important that you make this boundary very clear so there’s no misunderstanding and nobody wastes their time. You can move on or work in your relationship and keep going. And number one, you feel resentful towards others all the time. Maybe you say yes, spreefully mentioned many times, and then you just feel resentful. So then you complain of the others needs, being too much an example of resentment. Okay, maybe you said yes when you really wanted to say no. So then you end up going to this activity with your friend, but you really didn’t want to. So then, instead of owning it and saying, I made this choice as my fault for not saying no, you end up building resentment towards them and maybe complain to your other friend, saying how she’s so needy because she’s making me go everywhere. No, you’re the one who’s responsible for setting your own boundaries. Resentment is a sign that you are not respecting your own limit. Setting boundaries really lets you get rid of toxic relationships that you maybe didn’t even know you had. Many of us, for example, have grown up in a dysfunctional family with no boundaries. I know for a fact that Hispanic families have difficulties with this. Just remember, you have the right to set clear boundaries and should not feel guilty for doing so. Always, and I mean always, prioritize your wants and needs. If you guys liked the video, please let me know and leave me a comment. Tell me about the different boundaries that you set in your relationships. And don’t forget to subscribe so you can stay up to date with all of our topics. See you next weekend.