Signs of a Dysfunctional Family, Dealing with family problems
Every family is unique and we are all raised in different environments and different cultural backgrounds. All this affects how a child is developed and has a direct impact in their childhood life. The American Psychological Association defines a dysfunctional family as a family in which relationships or communications are impaired and members are unable to attain closeness and self expression. Here are five signs that you may have grown up in a dysfunctional family. Number five you feel responsible for others all the time. Your parents might have put that burden on you for their own emotional needs. So as you grow up, it is difficult for you to let people own their mistakes and be responsible for their actions. For example, your parents might set up the alarm in the morning to go to school, right? And you don’t wake up. They don’t wake up, so they wake up furious and they blame it on you. They say it’s your fault, you overslept. You should have woken them up. But it’s not. It was never your responsibility to do this. So it translates when you grow up and people mess it up. You always think it’s your fault. Number four you are always hard on yourself. Your parents probably always criticized you. So now as an adult, you are your own worst critic. Doesn’t matter how good you are or how hard you try to achieve your goals, it is never enough. For example, you have a parent that is always criticizing the type of work you do or where you work, or who is in a relationship with you. You might work in the hospitality industry and your parents don’t approve. Maybe they said, Are you really wearing that? Is your hair really that way? Are you just going to do that? Are you going to work there? Is that the person you’re dating? They always have something negative to say. Number three you fear being abandoned and you have trust issues. If you cannot trust your parents, you cannot trust anyone else. Some kids, for example, were raised in a household with drug abuse and they will have difficulties trusting their loved one as an adult. Why? Because the parents were simply not there. Physically they probably were, but emotionally they were not. Another example might be if you were raised in a family that was divorced and you have an absent father or an absent mother. Obviously you do not trust your parent to come back because they never did. So as an adult, when you have a partner, you’re always in that fear that they’re going to leave you and abandon you. Number two you are a people pleaser rooting from the abandonment fear. You are unable to say no to people and will put their needs before yours. Why? Because your parents never paid attention to you. Your needs were never met. You wanted something. They didn’t care. It was more about them than you. You are a people pleaser because as a kid. If you didn’t please your parents wishes, then you wouldn’t receive love from them. So as you grow up, you learn that in every relationship, as long as you people please, then you will get the love that you want. The negative about this, about people pleasing all the time, is that you will do it no matter how toxic the relationship might be. So you have to be careful. Number one, you are unable to maintain healthy relationships. I’m sure we have all had a few of unhealthy relationships. You probably saw violence at home or mental and physical abuse. Verbal abuse very important. As an adult, you find it difficult identifying those relationships that are healthy because you were not taught how to do so and you were not able to see that in your own home. You probably end up in toxic relationships and wonder why me? You might seek this even unconsciously. You might want the fight, but then you say you don’t want the fight. You were never taught to do emotional regulation. So you just start screaming and throwing the doors and yelling. You don’t know how to calm yourself down. Unfortunately, there is not much we can do when we are kids. After all, we do not choose who raises us, right? But you can take control as an adult, seek help and even create some distance from them if you feel it will better mental health. In therapy. You can also learn new coping mechanisms and guidance for your healing journey. One of the best ways to deal with a dysfunctional family is to have clear boundaries. To recognize the signs that you need to set boundaries, click on this video.