Danielle Ruhl (Love is Blind) Breaks the Silence around Mental Health
I didn’t think that I was going to be diagnosed with everything in the book. I just stopped eating to the point where I was throwing up blood. A lot of people in my family had that kind of background, and a lot of people were pressuring me to have this sort of physical image, and they didn’t care about how I was, like, thinking or my grades and things of that nature, and it was hard. Hi. Welcome back to the Mindful Space. Today we have Danielle Ruel with us, and I’m very excited. I’m so excited to be here. Thank you for coming. Welcome to Florida. I’ve heard today was rough. No, today was awesome. I just got a little burnt. It happens. You definitely have to bring protection to Florida. You forgot about that. All right, we’re going to jump right into it. I’m sure everybody knows you, but for those who don’t, do you mind introducing yourself? Yeah. So it’s weird that this is a hard question now. So my name is Danielle Ruhl. What most people know me as is like, hey, I’m Danielle Rule from Love Is. Um, but it’s like, I’m a daughter, I’m a sister, I’m a friend, and now a mental health advocate. I’ve always been that in a close group of people, so it’s cool to be able to call myself that. But all of this stuff is still kind of weird. I struggle with mental health, but it’s so weird that most of the time I introduce myself, it’s just Danielle Roll from Love is Blind. And that’s not what I want to be known for. What do you want to be known for? The other things I mentioned. I am a daughter, I am a good friend, I am good at my career, and I do care a lot about mental health, my own, everyone else’s, and not the Love is Blind. Well, let’s clear that up today. Let’s go. What is your career? What do you do? I work in advertising. Nice. Okay. How long have you been doing that? Since I graduated. I studied advertising, and I think that’s another thing based on the persona that was portrayed. A lot of people are like, she’s dumb because she has like, how did Nick marry someone like this when he seems intelligent? I’m like, I have worked my entire life for my career from high school up until right now, and I’m proud of it. But people don’t necessarily think about that. Because I wear costumes. Yes. I love costumes. Yeah. But I also am a successful person. Exactly. And it’s hard to portray that once you’re out in the media. You feel like they put you not they put you down, but they put your persona as something that you’re not. Oh, yeah. And that’s something that is hard, because at first, I was overly trying to express who I was because I was so disappointed, so disappointed in how people perceived me because it wasn’t accurate. And yeah, part of it was, but there’s a 360 version of every single person in the world, and they saw the worst of me, and so I was like, over. Like, no, that’s not me, that’s not me. And I’m just like, you know what? Who cares? I know who I am. The people close to me know who I am. The community that I’ve been able to get close with based on the show know who I am, and I have to focus on the fact that that’s what’s important. Yeah. So you got the pros and cons. We’ll get to that later in your early journey, how was your mental health? How was your relationship with mental health? Yeah, it’s weird because I didn’t start thinking about mental health until other people started talking to me about their experiences. And then that was when I was like, wow, that kind of relates to me. And that’s when I finally got a therapist in college, and it was like, okay, that’s why I felt that way. And so there were certain instances that had happened throughout my life that I didn’t understand why I felt that way. For example, I wrote my first suicide letter when I was eight years. Yeah. And I ran away from home, and I stood in the middle of I still remember Ogden Avenue, which was one of the busiest streets in Downers Grove, where I grew up, and I was like, Why? At the moment, I was like, I don’t know why I did it. And it wasn’t until I was older that I looked back and all of these different things in which I acted or how I perceived myself in the world, it didn’t make sense until I kind of learned about these things or understood who I was and why I felt that way. And I wish and that’s kind of like, one of the reasons that I talk about it, is I grew up hating myself so much, but it was mainly because of the fact of the way that I felt inside, not thinking that anyone else felt that. And in college, I finally came to the conclusion where it’s like, oh, my God, I wish I would have known that when I was eight, because maybe I wouldn’t have had that self loathing. Because a lot of it did generate from how I felt inside, not just like, how I looked physically, even though that’s what a lot of people think. Like, oh, she hates herself, or so self loathing because of her appearance. I’m like, it’s a lot more deep rooted than that. And I was too scared to tell people that, not only in my close life, but obviously to the entire world. And so I’m grateful for having the courage now to be able to talk about that. Yeah. And what was your main issue when you were younger? Once you got to college, you realized what was going on when you were younger. I think there’s so many different things that led up to how I recognized why I felt that way. And of course, one, I really do genuinely believe that there’s a chemical imbalance. Right when I was eight, I was fine. One thing I actually just remembered today before coming on the show, and I was like, wow, it was an epiphany. I completely forgot. This is a part of my life. So when I was young, about that age, actually a little bit younger, my mom put me into modeling. And my mom was a model. My grandma was a model. So my mom was, you know, she looks like Shirley Temple. I was a cute little kid, not going to lie about that. So I would go to sleep every single night wearing curlers in my hair, and we would, after kindergarten, go on a train to Chicago and you go to these go sees. And I remember doing a training where they were, like, trying to teach me how to smile and I wouldn’t get it right. And even then I was like, it’s weird that I literally have these flashbacks and I can still remember it. And there’s a couple of things where I did get accepted for like I was in a Libby Lou ad, and I thought that was so cool, but 99% of the time you’re not. And so my mom just stopped me from doing it because I wouldn’t get them. And I think part of that actually is one of the things that stumb me into feeling the way that I did. And that’s what’s weird about going to therapy or trying to digest what happened in your childhood to make you feel the way that you do. And I’m not kidding. Today I came to that conclusion where I’m like, wow, I had that kind of rejection so young that I already blamed myself for not being accepted in certain ways. Yeah, and how long did that last? Only a year, until I was out of kindergarten. I think that once my brother and sister came along, I started to like, and that’s totally fine, but I was like, oh, I’m in the back burner. And then I also blamed myself for feeling like I was on the back burner. And so I started going to food instead of that because my brother and sister were athletic, I wasn’t. So I was kind of like, gravitating to that versus I just really felt like I wasn’t loved anymore solely because I was the center of attention. And when you’re an old child, sometimes that happens. Yeah, no, that’s completely normal. So you were a little depressed when you were younger, and that’s what you’re referring to, the chemical imbalance, but you never went to seek help until you were in college. So my parents actually, after my initial eight year old experience, put me in one because it was like they literally had to it was less of them thinking that I had an issue because I had a good life. And I don’t know how they thought in their heads, right? Like, I actually never asked them, but I went to one therapy session and that was it. And I still I’m like, I don’t know. They had me a draw a picture and that was it. And I never really thought about it since then. They just told your parents you were fine and that’s it. They’re like, oh, yeah, just come to this and draw a picture and you’re good. Okay. And then after that, it transitioned into body image. And you mentioned a few times that you lost a lot of weight. How was that experience? That was through high school, through middle school? No, so through grade school, middle school and high school. And I’m not trying to be like what was me, but because I felt like I was left out from the family again, they were beautiful, right? And they were succeeding in certain things that I was unable to do. Like I have no coordination, right? And so I do pride myself into my intelligence, but that wasn’t something that my family cared about. Again, my mom was a model. My dad was an athlete, not pro, not a huge model, anyway. But still, it was interesting because I’m not even talking about my immediate family, but a lot of people in my family had that kind of background, and a lot of people were pressuring me to have this sort of physical image, and they didn’t care about how I was thinking or my grades and things of that nature. And it was hard. Like, I remember flying out to my grandparents house, and they were like a moment on your lips forever on your hips. And I would get told that, like, nonstop, but I’d go home and I’d eat chips after grade school because I’m like, okay, they’re never going to understand how I’m feeling because they’re like this. And I would go on a diet even as a kid, and I would go, like, a day without eating and be like, oh, I’m going to become skinny overnight. And it didn’t happen. So I would keep doing it because I felt defeated thinking that nothing I was doing was working. And so that kind of escalated until college. And it was my freshman year when we were going through sorority recruitment, and I became really close to the girls on my floor, but they were all beautiful, and one of them was my high school best friend. And going through recruitment, you think that you’re having these great conversations, and I was trying to brag about everything in my life to overcompensate for being heavier than most of the people that were going through recruitment. And you get a list of sororities back, and all of my friends would get certain houses and I wouldn’t. And I was like, I know that this is why. And I actually got accepted to one because of the fact that there was another childhood friend that was in it. And they pushed for me. And that’s when I looked around, I was like, I know why they chose me for this one. Because the girls were my hometown. And that’s when I was like, I don’t belong here. And so I worked my ass off to make me feel like I belonged. And that’s when I started not eating and overly working out, because I wanted to feel like I belonged. And I finally did. And then people in the sorority were like, oh, you look so good. And that was the first time that guys would give attention to me and even other girls would give attention to me that were in the other houses that I felt like clearly I didn’t belong in. Because even my own friend group, my best friends who could care less, who were in top houses, I was too scared to even hang out with them anymore because I thought I was going to judge by them. I thought I was going to judge by my own sorority. And so I would work out twice a would every time that I would accidentally grab food that I knew I shouldn’t eat, I would literally spray it with Windex. And I had markers on my mirror that said, you are fat. And I remember someone else came in and was like, Danielle, take that off your mirror. But I was like, no, I need to lose weight. And they’re like, no, you don’t. Because I was like looking back, I was very thin at the time. But I would I would literally spray my food with Windex. Yeah, so then you would know I just eat it. No, because I would bring it up from the kitchen to my room, and I would look at the mirror, and then I’m like, okay. And I would spray it, and then I would throw it away. And that’s how I dealt with trying to lose weight, is I would literally just spray with the spray I had in my room. I’m not going to eat that. It’s going to taste like Windex. And that’s what led to you mentioned throwing up blood at one point. So throwing up blood wasn’t because I was bulimic. Throwing up blood was because I was undereating, and I would still drink. And so the next day, I don’t know why. I don’t know. I didn’t Google it, but I would start throwing up blood because I had nothing else in my system. And it would start with just the stomach acid, but it got to the point where it turned into throwing up blood. And again, I don’t know the science behind it, but that would just be you never thought about going to the doctor? No. Do you feel like maybe inside you knew that something was wrong and that’s why you didn’t go to the doctor when you were going, well, it’s safe to say that you had an unhealthy relationship with food. I’ll be straight up. I had an eating disorder. Was that ever diagnosed at all? Did you ever recognize to yourself that you had a disorder? Did that cross your mind? No, not until probably a couple of years later when I was talking to my first psychiatrist and she quote, unquote, diagnosed me with that. And I’m like, what? And then I came to the realization a couple of years after because I think in the moment, you might not want to believe what someone’s saying. And then a couple of years later when you’re quote unquote better, and no one’s ever like 100% better. That’s when you come to the conclusion where it’s like, I did, and now I know I did, but in the moment I was like, no, I don’t. Was it something common that you might have seen amongst your friends around the university? Or maybe was it stigma or taboo? Was not talked about. And I’m not going to name specific names, but I think it stemmed from different things in my family. I think that there have been multiple people in my family who have had eating disorders, and I didn’t think about it when they did because that’s when I was overeating and again looking back, I was like, okay, they did, and that’s how they stay skinny, so that’s what I have to do. So that’s what you saw in your family, it made you to believe that it was something normal when you were extended family? Yeah. Oh, wow. Do you think in part well, you mentioned they were in modeling athletes, so they were all into the physical appearance. So I’m sure you saw a lot of that. Okay, how did after college, you get better with the help of a therapist, right? And then you’re in the show. The show, yes. How did that impact your mental health? And we can talk about both the positive mentioning now you have a network of people that you might not have if you wouldn’t have gone to that show, but the negative as well. How did it impact overall? Did your body image and security come back? How was that experience? So I think one of the things that people again, I’ve spoken about how my mental health kind of deteriorated in that aspect. And again, there’s always a wave, right? Like, in the beginning during then it was like, fine. Again, it’s never going to be like 100%. And so I don’t think that people recognize that during the filming process, there are certain things that negatively impact your mental health. And for my specific example, when you’re doing an interview, there’s someone who is saying, how do you feel about yourself? Do you think it’s going to be hard finding someone who lost this weight? Do you think that someone’s going to stay with you because they think that you’re going to gain it again, do you think your insecurities are going to scare someone away? Do you think that this what and again, I haven’t talked about specific traumas, but there are certain things that had happened in my past that they knew, and they would talk about that over and over and over again. So during the filming process, I actually gained 20 pounds because sometimes when I’m super depressed, I still turn to food, right? And so during that time period, it’s still hard. And that’s something that people don’t necessarily think about because they don’t see it. And then after the filming process, I was like, I feel like a shell who’s someone that’s watching my life from afar and not actually living it. And that gave me anxiety. And so I lost a fucking shit ton of weight after the filming process. And because it’s like, okay, I’m married now. I’m still depressed. No one understands why I’m depressed, because anyone would be grateful for the experience that I went through because they don’t necessarily understand what goes on behind the scenes. And that was a different layer. And then the show airs, and that was a different level of hate that I ever thought I would get. I thought, People are going to say this. This. I didn’t think that I was going to be diagnosed with everything in the book because I did have a panic attack. And the panic attack was me realizing in the pods, the cameras are all hidden, and so you can be your authentic self. And then we get to Mexico, and that’s when the cameras are in your face, there’s lights everywhere, and they’re following you around. I’m like, I don’t think that I can mentally handle this. And I didn’t come to that conclusion until one of the first nights in Mexico. And so I did have a panic attack. And they made it seem like it was a reason that it wasn’t. And I was begging to leave the show, and they didn’t let me. And that just kind of like I was going to ask that because if you realize at whatever point that it wasn’t for you, couldn’t you just leave? No, you can’t. So again, I wanted to so badly. And I think that’s, again, why it spiraled. But the positive of that was other people seeing that, relating to it’s. Like, I’ve never seen someone have panic attack on TV. And I was like, I wish it wasn’t aired. I wish it wasn’t misinterpreted. But now I don’t care because other people are like, I’m glad I saw that. Yeah. Let’s talk about the reality of a panic attack. Oh, yeah. Well, the support that you got was both negative and positive. Your experience overall, would you say it was positive or negative for your mental health? I mean, at first it was negative. I was in a place that I don’t even want to describe. But after talking about that and how I was feeling, the amount of people who talked to me and helped me feel not alone. Because there are certain emotions that no matter how much I talk about it with my friends or a therapist, there are things where I’m like, damn, why do you feel like this? And other people coming to me literally, genuinely helped me. And I think that’s one thing that people don’t recognize. It’s like all of the people that come to me, like all of my followers, my fans, I call them virtual friends because they are literally have changed my life. And now it’s such a positive experience. Like, in the moment, I wouldn’t have thought that, but now I’m like, that is the benefit of going on. That because there are so many different emotions that I didn’t know other people felt. Yes. The fact that you now know people that have also gone through what you’ve experienced, it just makes it a lot you don’t feel alone. Exactly. And they are like, oh, you change my life. You make me feel not alone. I’m like, you are changing my life. You make me feel like I’m not alone. And I want to scream that from the rooftop. Yeah, no, that’s amazing. Sometimes when we’re in a dark spot, we’re not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I’m glad that you’re here and that you’re seeing and that you’re taking your followers or your reach and your platforms to advocate for mental health from personal experience and hopefully to help others. What are some of the strategies or coping mechanisms that helped you get through the difficult times? For one, there is no perfect answer for that. It depends on my mood, and it depends on my level of anxiety or my level of depression. So I have to sometimes reread the things that I wrote down. And so when I am in a good place, I write down the things that help me get there, and I reread that and I start practicing them again. I think another thing is communicating with other people. Sometimes when you’re in that mindset, you might not want to for a multitude of different reasons. You might be embarrassed that you feel that way. You might not want to be a burden to other people. And you don’t want people texting you nonstop, like, oh my God, how are you doing? Because sometimes that can make you feel worse because it’s like, I don’t want someone worrying about me. So what I do is I write down how I’m feeling every day, because then you can see the growth or you can see some of the repetition of certain situations. And we’re like, okay, I was feeling great, but now I’m not. And what are the consistencies in this? And that’s why it kind of brought me into journaling and as you had mentioned, songwriting, because every time that I write something down, I think metaphorically and it’s weird. Like, one time I was very depressed about a breakup, and I smelled his cologne in an elevator of a coworker, and I immediately started writing it down, and it just happened to become form in a song. And that’s why I started writing songs, is because that’s literally just the way that I write things down. And so I started recording them because even when I started writing my lyrics down, there was a lot of people who had written to me. I feel the same. This really resonated with me. And so I’m like, okay, I can share this more broadly. And so I started recording different things about the way that I felt. And you’re going to get hate for that. You’re going to get hate for anything, right? Especially a song. But anyways, at the end of the day, the amount of people who did say, even this song changed my life. There was someone who messaged me saying I was crying and I was able to put makeup on because I listened to this, or someone who was like, every time I feel low, this is what I listen to. And that alone is what made me want to continue to record and even know if I’m recording or not. I still want to share what I write down because of the amount of people who have said things like that. And it’s also very therapeutic for yourself. Who cares what people say, right? And if it can have benefits for yourself and others, then why not? It’s like, oh, I have, like, an 8 million page book. So, yeah, it’s very therapeutic. Maybe that’s your next step, songwriting, singing. Oh, I always going to sing something for us today. No, I get nervous. I get nervous. I just write the song. Oh, my God. Well, it’s undeniable that you’ve been through a difficult journey through the show, but you came out, right? Great. I know another thing that happened to you last year was the divorce, the separation. I know that must have been tough, but we want to hear from you. How was your experience and how did you overcome? There are so many different things that, one, a breakup is hard, right? They suck. Two, a divorce is hard because you genuinely think that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with this person. And we met in unconventional way, and there were certain things that we didn’t necessarily talk about until after we decided to split, and then being really sad about that because you did feel that way in a certain time period. And then not only being really sad about that, everyone having an opinion. And even the people who were talking to me saying, like, oh, he’s this, he’s this, or the people saying, she’s this, she’s this. And I remember even going out, people would come up to me like, oh, good for you. And I’m like, I don’t want to hear that. I don’t want that to be a thing. And one thing that I thought was interesting is that I was really sad that no one reached out to me and certain family members, certain friends, and I didn’t tell them, like, because it was so publicized. I just assumed every single person in my life knew. And so one I remember meeting up with a friend who was like, how’s Nick? And I’m like, we got divorced. And she was like, Wait, what? And I just assumed that every single person in my life and then other people were like, you didn’t tell us, so we didn’t know if you wanted to talk about it. So I’m like, wow, my grandma found out about it, and she doesn’t even have cable watching TV. And then I felt terrible. I was like, I didn’t even tell my grandma, who I’m super close with, so that’s an additional layer. But again, it’s just, like, one people message. You being like, he’s dating this person, she’s dating this person, and half of it can be fabricated. Oh, he was cheating on you the entire time. I’m like, that can’t be true. But it kind of, like, gets in the back of your mind. So there’s so many different aspects of getting divorced in a global level. Yeah, exactly. It’s already a big thing when you’re not a celebrity. Nobody cares about your divorce. And then there’s another level when you’ve been on the show and everybody just wants to know or not know. Yeah. I can only imagine we shared a dog and a cat. Like, oh, my gosh, I remember the last time leaving, and I still envision the way that Grayson would greet me when I would walk in the know. I was like, oh, if I ever see him again or forever. And that’s also something that’s just like a normal divorce, you know, I miss them. But if I said that I missed him, people be like, Get over it. Do you feel that if you guys would have met outside of the show and the unconventional way that you mentioned meeting him, maybe it would have lasted a little bit longer? It would have been different? Have you guys even would have been married? That’s a question I ask myself a lot, because when you think about season one and how the couples are still together, they had three years until it aired. And so part of me is thinking, like, okay, before your life just flips upside down, you have the time to for example, okay, you go on a rally TV show ten days, you’re engaged eight weeks, you’re married a couple of months after the TV show. That’s insane. I can’t imagine. Yeah, it’s a bunch of life changing events in a short period of time. So it’s like the amount of stress and the way that people deal with stress sometimes I think if we had the time to get to know each other. More without all of the added pressure, maybe. But also there were some very fundamental things that we had different viewpoints on, like certain medications or things like that, where it’s like it’s fine to have different viewpoints, but I’m like, okay, having kids again, I teeter totter because sometimes I do wish I always say if we met dating, it would have been different. But then I’m also like, would it have been? I don’t know. Would you even have met him? I don’t think we would have met, but I’m so glad I did. Okay. He’s someone who I’m so happy I met. I know if I did get to know him, it would have gotten to that place, but I don’t know if it would have ended in marriage. Yeah. Do you guys keep any type of relationship nowadays? Was it a bad divorce? At first it was pretty bad. We broke up over a text message. I was trying to get in contact with him, but he kind of, like, literally ghosted me. And I was trying to figure out very specific things such as, like, okay, I have to change the car into my name. And he wouldn’t even give me his address to do that. And so it was very difficult. The divorce process was delayed. I was trying to have a conversation before we had divorced. I’m like, do we want to do this? And he just again disappeared. And that’s one of his coping strategies. But he never kind of returned. And so he actually recently sent me a drunk text. That was very nice. That was the drunk text, but I was like, okay, well, wait, drunk people say the truth, right? No, and it was very nice. And I’m like, okay, finally, at least some sort of message. And my family is still close with him. He still talks to my sister, which makes me happy. I mean, he was so close with my family, and I’m happy that that is still a relationship that he has. I feel that from every my thought is that you can get the good and the bad from any relationship. I don’t know if anything’s meant to last forever. Right? But whatever lasts at one point is what you chose, right? So it doesn’t make sense to end of the relationship and just bashing each other, talk crap like no one point, I was your option, you were my option, so let’s respect whatever we had and just move on and wish you the best. That was an issue that we actually I mean, it’s a lot of people probably know this because we weren’t communicating one to one. We would be communicating over Instagram stories because we knew that each other would see that, but also it would get picked up in the media every time. And so thinking back to them, that is so immature that we were literally talking to each other through Instagram stories that we know the other person would see, even though we’re blocked, like, fans would send me what he was saying and vice versa. I think back to that, I’m like, oh, my God. What were you thinking? Danielle. Geez, Louise. Did you guys ever seek couples therapy? Yes, we did do couples then, and this is something that I think is important. So we were going to couples therapy because, one, we were pretty afraid as to how the show would impact us. It did. So we continued. And then we’d sit there and we were like, perfect, quote, unquote, so we’d have nothing to talk about. So we stopped. And I think that’s something that we obviously should have continued. Even if you think your relationship is, well, even if I have nothing to say to my therapist, it’s like, hey, what’s up? And he would still have me bring things out. But even if you don’t think times are hard, you should continue with that because then when things do get hard again, you’re like, I’m defeated. This isn’t going to work again. Yeah, that’s it. Now, we mentioned before, use all your platforms now to advocate for mental health, and I think that’s wonderful. What is your next step in regards to your plans? What do you plan to do? I mean, you’re still doing your career, right? Yes. What about the advocacy for mental health? Do you have any future plans? So I am one going to continue on with my career. And it’s interesting, even in that aspect, they thanked me. So I did take a four week leave of absence from work, and I’m pretty transparent about that with my own company. And it was weird that one of my bosses, NHR, thanked me for doing that and being open about talking about it. And that’s why I’m like, even if I’m openly talking about it on Instagram, it doesn’t mean that I’m not on other places where it’s a big company. It’s hard because I’m not an influencer. I don’t know how to create content. Right. So it’s not like me trying to do that. For the most part, I just want to talk about my experiences or how I feel because, and I always like to preface this, I’m not a therapist. I don’t know how to help myself sometimes. So I just am going to continue to in any form possible, whether it be just my own platform or any platform that will take me talk about what I’m going through. Sometimes that’s all it takes. That’s why I like having this conversations with different people, from therapist to reality show. I don’t know what to tell people, but yeah, no, I just feel that just the talking just breaks the stigma. And people that do listen eventually feel heard. And like you, they feel that they have also gone through the same things and they can really connect. And if you look back in the days, nobody really talked about it. I feel like now everybody keeps bring it up, which is a good thing. What advice would you give someone that’s struggling right now? Either through depression or anxiety or a divorce? Anything. One thing. So the thing that helped me the most is being open about it again throughout my life, once I realized what I was going through. Also the people in college who talked to me about what they were going through. But one of the things that I learned through communicating with the new community that I’ve been able to connect with, there’s people who don’t have people to talk to. And that’s what’s difficult. It’s like, again, like me being open, me having a therapist, but there’s people who don’t have access to that. Exactly. And I think that’s something that’s been very difficult for me to try and mentally handle myself. It gets to me where I’m like, I don’t have advice for everyone. I can talk about what has benefited me. For example, like mindfulness, like meditating, having writing down three things that taking a bath sometimes can just distract me from the way I’m feeling. Sometimes it’s holding ice. Sometimes I have Silly putty in my purse to distract me from things. But it might work for some people, it might not. And so that’s, again, sometimes I feel like a fraud because it’s like being a mental health advocate when you still don’t always feel right. And sometimes I feel better and all I can do is talk about how I feel in my own experiences. But it’s really hard to give advice sometimes because then people are like, they do come to me, and there are certain people who will message me because they don’t have anyone else and because they’ve seen what I’ve communicated and because I’m open about it. And they’ll be like, how do I tell my family? Who do I tell? And I’m like, I wish I could say something, because I am lucky to have the different things that I do. So it’s like, oh, man. And I feel bad to even answer it like that. And there’s times where there’s people reaching out to me, and I’m just like, I am feeling so low. And I’m a mental health advocate, and I am trying to give advice. So you feel fraudulent. It adds like an extra pressure on your own mental health. But I’m happy. I’m just like, oh, my God, I can’t wait to get back into it. But you have to remember that being a mental health advocate or even therapist, it does not mean your life is always going to be altogether. You’re just a human being. That can happen to anyone, even a professional. And of course, we’re trained to go into the room with therapist hat and leave your problems outside of the office. But again, we’re human. So don’t ever feel that if you’re having a bad day, you still don’t feel that if you’re having a bad day, you’re just being like a fake person. I remind myself that I think that they go to you because they want someone real. Maybe they don’t want a therapist. They want somebody to just had a mental breakdown yesterday. How’s yours today? Cool. Let’s talk about it. I feel like my position as being a mental health advocate, if that’s you want to call it, is just me being transparent about how I’m feeling, and that’s all I know how to do. Right. Again, I’m not an influencer. I’m not going to try to be. I like talking about my feelings. So that’s what I’m going to continue to do like I am now. And I’m so grateful. I’m so grateful that people share their stories with me and I message everyone back. Really? Yeah. That’s amazing because it’s like, oh, if they have no one else to talk to and again, it’s not only because they have no one, again, it helps me. It’s like if someone is watching something that I say and it relates to them and then I see it, I’m like, oh, my God, that’s me too. But I will say that I have friends who have actually genuinely benefited from the suicide hotline. And it’s interesting because it wasn’t even because they were in that space. It was because they didn’t have the insurance to find a therapist. And they can talk you through so many different things, which people don’t. Even if you have a friend that’s experiencing that like I did, and her boyfriend was going through suicidal thoughts and things of that nature, and she called them and they talked her through how all of that kind of stuff. So that’s one thing I actually want to bring to surface is the fact that there’s a lot more to even the suicide hotline than just talking to yourself when you’re in the lowest place. Yeah. It’s not just the platforms. There are resources out there. There’s community health centers. There’s groups. I love group therapy. I mean, I might be, but I love this is like I love group therapy. Yeah, well, groups are very strong because of the same reason that you’re talking about. You get to meet people. That’s why the AAS are still existent group therapies and medical settings and everywhere. Well, this has been a great conversation. You’re like. Wait. It’s done. I’ll keep going. Yeah, we might have to bring you back, but no, I want to say thank you for coming. Thank you for sharing your story. We’ve all gone through struggles, and like you said, it’s a work in progress, right? You have your ups and downs, and as long as you have your therapists and resources and your great fans and followers, I’m sure it’s changed my life. And now you have Miami. Enjoy. No, but thank you so much for having me. It was, of course, nice talking about this stuff. Thank you guys for watching or listening. Don’t forget to leave us a comment. Let us know what you think. Subscribe and I’ll see you next week. Bye. It good. And it’s a wrap.